Anyone who has read "The House of God" will be familiar with these since my inspiration for them was basically the "Laws of the House". I've recently decided to clean it up a tad to make it a bit more family friendly. Anyway, with that being said I give you the Laws of the House of Nova.



Laws of the House of Nova

I) Trust no one
People lie to you. Friends lie, professors lie, patients lie even tests lie. If a test question doesn't make sense, on any test old or current, it might very well just be wrong. If a patient says they don't have unprotected sex and don't know how they got gonorrhea don't believe them. If a friend says he got an 90 on the last test it was probably closer to an 80. If a professor says that a test is easy and you shouldn't worry about it under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you believe him/her. Also if a professor says to read the ten or twenty questions on their website and that you'll see some of them on a test this is also a lie. Now of course you are saying "so why should I trust you?", and of course I'll say because I've already went through it all before and got all A's. This is of course a lie and a perfect demonstration of law I. You don't have to trust me. Just read and use your common sense.


II) Always take the break
If a lecturer offers you the choice of a 10 minute break or finishing early ALWAYS take the break. Whether you take it or not whoever is at the front of the room will go over time. This is especially true if their hair is red. Remember, no matter what they say, they will go over time. Refer to law I.


III) PCM is worthless
It is, just face it


IV) IGC and ILG are sometimes not worthless
About 70% of what I learned M2 year came from ILG and IGC. Granted M1 year IGC is a guaranteed waste of your time and depending on your preceptor can be a waste M2 year as well. If you luck out like I did and get great preceptors you will learn alot so don't sell it short.


V) Don't fail Micro, Physio, or Renal
If you fail any one of these courses your chances of passing remediation are slim to none. It just doesn't happen that often. I know of 1 person who managed by some miracle to pass the remediation for Micro and another that did it for Physio. That's it. No one has passed the one for Renal. Most don't even try.


VI) Don't buy any damn books
Look, you get so much crap to read when the hell are you going to read another book? I guess for you anal gunners out there you can get supplementary texts if you must but if you spring for one of those "required" or "suggested" texts a professor tells you about I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. If they say it's required refer to law I.


VII) The OSCE is NOT fun
Your professors will tell you that some students actually started to enjoy this after they were half way through it. Refer to law I. If there are students that enjoy this they are sadistic sons of *******. You're put into a hot hallway to play a game of musical chairs, patients, and students. Everyone runs around like buffoons including the patients while they switch rooms. They are uncooperative, bad actors that are trying to unleash some angst of theirs brought on by a bad medical experience in the past directly upon you. The only thing I learned is how to fake an exam on a patient that doesn't have anything wrong with them. Refer to law III


VIII) Don't get cocky
Truth is while you are taking classes at Nova... you don't know **** about medicine. As alluded to before in law VII this ain't real medicine. You learn it in the hospitals during rotations/internship and if you're lucky in IGC and ILG. The worst thing in the world is an M1 who think he knows his head from his *** medically speaking because he did something remotely related to the field such as driving an ambulance or cleaning bed pans. Anyone who says they had x,y,z of medical experience before coming here probably knows less than you do and will give you the wrong answers when asked and stick vehemently by them. Refer to Law I.


IX) You can't do it alone
Newsflash, med school is hard, and you have needs emotionally and physically that need to be fulfilled or else you lose your sanity. You can't expect to make it through all alone in one piece. Now the problem is that you don't get out much to meet new people and you're afraid to inter-class date since word spreads around like the plague. But listen, here's the dirty little secret, no one outside of class understands what you're going through. There is a reason for the high divorce rate in our profession. We are institutionalized in the Shawshank sense of the word. In spite of all the drama and grief that can ensue as a consequence, you will not find anyone else who will empathize with your situation more or understand you more or share your time constraints. It's worth it and you need it, and it may just be the best move you made all year. And if it doesn't work out, that's life, it goes on, and we're all adults here. For all the trouble as I've gotten into, its given me some of the best experiences of my life... and I'd do it again.


X) We are all geeks
To get to this level we are all geeks on one way or another. If you don't think so you are in denial. Look, we will all end up talking about this stuff outside of class (exhibit A), we all understand Star Wars references (exhibit B), and we've found it harder and harder to relate to people who are outside the realm of academia (exhibit C). Also you've probably critizied my spelling grammar or html format at least once during this reading (exhibit D). This is not to say we aren't social... we're just geeks.


XI) Don't despair
I'll leave you with a few words of hope. It's not all that bad. Once you get used to it and know what to expect you can get through it. Learn from the people that have gone through it before you. Remember, medicine is still very much an apprenticeship type learning experience. You can't learn it all out of a textbook. I know it sounds cheesy but there really is more to it than that. We all find our niche, and we all find our way to survive. I have personally watched knuckleheads of all types make it through consecutive years of this mess. All you have to do is sit down and say to yourself "Man if that tool can make it I sure as hell can", and instantly you'll feel better. Of course the fact that thses folks are making it means the system is failing but whatever... thats a diffenent subject.... Good luck. May the force be with you. Refer to law X.


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